


Monster

by WiltingGirl



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, M/M, Rating might go up, Regret, Sexual Content, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-05-15 10:11:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5782138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WiltingGirl/pseuds/WiltingGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After having sex with Grimmjow, Ichigo has to come to terms with how he feels about their "meet-ups" without letting his teenage hormones, and his urge to kill the arrancar, get the better of him. Detailed/long version of "Sick" (reading it isn't required to read this).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First off: "You should be working on Worth!"
> 
> Shh shhh hshshshhsh, I am. The next chapter is almost done, I've just been in a very angsty mood and decided to work on this instead. I'd rather give you something that I feel is good work than something shitty.
> 
> When I posted "Sick" on both here and other places, people said they wished there was more to it, and I liked the idea of writing it out as a shortish multi-chapter fanfic so I'm doing that. They'll go back and forth between Ichigo's POV and Grimmjow's each chapter.
> 
> Chapters won't usually be this short, I just felt the need to end this chapter here because i hate switching POVs mid-chapter so the next one will be Grimmjow.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this!

If anyone had passed me, I wouldn't have noticed. I was dead set on getting home; my bed the only thing I could think of. I felt almost ashamed that I was limping and there was still a bit of blood running down my inner thigh; a parting gift from Grimmjow himself. I could've been using flash step to get home quicker, but I just couldn't find the strength to do it. I already used up all of my strength fighting, and then surprisingly having sex, then running away as fast as I could afterwards.

I didn't know what I was thinking, allowing the Espada to get _intimate_ with me. It was spur of the moment, and I saw no harm in having a little fun. But after we had finished, I found myself tying my hakama sash and then bolting down the street from where the whole mess had taken place. I didn't even look back to see if Grimmjow was following me or not. Not that he would have a reason to, unless he wanted to laugh in my face.

It wasn't even Grimmjow's roughness that had scared me off. Yeah, I would have liked him to be a little gentler, but I wasn't stupid and I knew better than to expect anything remotely gentle. What scared me was how I felt after. I didn't know if was just my human instinct kicking in, but I felt the urge to drag Grimmjow home with me and have the Espada sleep next to me. Hell, even hear a few kind words from him.

I knew that that was out of the question. I shouldn't have been thinking that way; it was just sex and soon we'd be back to fighting. If I had the strength to laugh at myself, I would have. _God, I am such a teenager._ I thought that I got to skip all of that teenage drama that most people my age went through. The torment of getting a girlfriend or boyfriend, having sex, and then going home to eat a tub of ice cream and cry because, _oops_ , maybe they didn't like you as much as they had thought.

Still, my situation was different from that. There was no promise of feelings in the first place. And I would be damned if I cried over a fucking arrancar _._

A _hollow._

I was able to smile to myself that time. Yeah, Grimmjow was just a hollow. He was _nothing_. I repeated it in my head. It was the only way I could soothe myself until I finally made it home.

I had never been so happy to see my window in my entire life. Jumping up and opening it went by so quickly that I hardly even remembered doing it. I didn't even bother getting back into my body just yet when I made my way to the bathroom and started peeling off the shreds of my shihakusho. I needed to cleanse my soul and for once it wasn't a figure of speech.

I scrubbed every inch of myself. The more skin that I cleaned, the more I realized that I didn't even feel dirty. I just felt…disappointed. Maybe even unsatisfied. That part was probably just because I didn't get to bask in my post-orgasm euphoria. Scratch that, there was nothing _euphoric_ about it. The orgasm itself was nice and all, but the feeling of fear that crept up on me afterwards didn't give me a chance to enjoy anything about it.

I gripped the washcloth in my hand tighter and bent over to scrub at the dried blood and the wet semen - which had finally started to drip out of me - clinging to my thighs. There were unmistakable bite and claw marks bruising my skin at which I winced at every time I washed over them. The road rash on my knees and elbows burned under the too hot water but the teeth marks on my thighs were the worst of it.

_I was a fucking mess_.

The shittiest thing about it is that I didn't regret it. _Not for a fucking second_. I had a good time and in the sickest way possible I enjoyed the fact that it was dangerous. The thrill was appealing.

To avoid any overthinking and making myself feel even worse, I turned off the shower and went back to my room to get into my body so I could get some much needed sleep. Surprisingly, as soon as I hit my mattress I was out like a light. I had never felt so worn out both emotionally and physically in my entire life.


	2. Chapter 2

_I had never been so fucking offended in my life_. And trust me, I had lived a very, _very_ long life full of assholes pissing me off left and right like it was their god damn day job. But that Kurosaki fucker really got under my skin with that shit he pulled.

He was into me, which was surprising as hell but I wasn't complaining. He was feisty, and I liked that. Our little make out session was all I expected to get out of him; he was the ' _hero'_ afterall. Those types usually only teased and then left you hard and frustrated. But when I shoved him down, Kurosaki was fucking _smiling_ at me, waiting for me to fuck him.

When I got him on his hands and knees I was honestly just fucking with him in the beginning, trying to see how far I could push him until his innocence kicked in. I didn't plan on even _scratching_ the surface of his painfully obvious virginity. But the kid just _had_ to go and agree to it all.

As wonderful as it was to have a willing partner, I am by no means a fucking _gentleman_. I went ahead and pulled (or ripped, depending on who you ask) down his hakama and moved things along. When I pushed the head of my cock inside of Kurosaki he screamed like I had just sliced his damn leg off. I remember rolling my eyes, and even though I wanted to hurry up and be inside of him, I waited a split second to see any signs of him trying to escape the situation. There were none.

One good thing that I can say about that soul reaper is that he has a nice pair of lungs on him. When his annoying screams died down he started making these noises that made my cock twitch inside of him. It was when Kurosaki started pushing his ass back against me that I lost all control and went to fucking town on his body. I wouldn't have been surprised if I broke his fucking hip.

Whenever that orange haired bastard's breathing started getting a little weak I would pull out and give him a little break. Hey, I can be a little nice sometimes. But during these _breaks_ I would put my hands all over him. Well, not just my hands, but my mouth too. I still don't know why, but I really fucking liked his thighs. Whenever I would sink my teeth into the inner flesh of them, Kurosaki would blush and hide his face, which _almost_ made my brain use the word 'cute'. But it wasn't _cute_ , it was so damn hot that I could've probably been satisfied with just licking and biting his inner thigh for hours instead of fucking him.

But a man has needs and one of those needs just happens to be sticking your cock in things, so I went ahead and kept fucking him anyway.

Kurosaki's hips were starting to get a little too tender to the touch, I could tell because every time I would grip them he would wince. I decided to use one hand to grab a fist full of the hair on the back of his neck, and my other hand I planted firmly in between his shoulder blades. I'm not one for pointing out beauty, but _fuck_ , the way his back muscles would move under his sweat slicked skin was nice to look at.

Even though he never begged for it, I knew that Kurosaki wanted me to stroke his cock for him. I wasn't about to give him the courtesy of a reach around, fuck that. If he wanted me to fuck him, he would have to cum just from my cock. He even tried bringing an arm up to stroke himself, but the kid just couldn't manage to hold himself up with just one elbow. I leaned down and whispered a few filthy things into his ear and that had him practically grinding his ass against me. That's what sent me over the edge. Kurosaki's hips moving made him clench around me and it was over before I could even think about wanting to making it last longer.

Ignoring his aching hips, I dug my hands into them and held him in place when I came inside of him. Just when I thought he wouldn't get to have an orgasm of his own, Kurosaki came as soon as I was finished emptying myself inside of him. The fact that he had came just from me blowing my load inside of him made me wanna fuck him all over again.

But he had to go and fuck things up.

Before I could even comment on how good that was, _as soon as I pulled out of him,_ the little bitch was already getting dressed and basically tripped over himself trying to run from me.

My mouth hung open in complete fucking disbelief. I had just given him what was probably going to be the best lay of his entire _existence_ , and he thanked me by turning tail without even saying a word.

I dressed myself and gripped Pantera, debating whether or not I should go after him. I decided not to, because there was no point in that right now. Even though I wanted nothing more than to snap Kurosaki's neck, I would give him a _little_ bit of time to think shit over.

I didn't feel like I'd done anything wrong, but that didn't stop me from wondering why Kurosaki was acting like a scorned woman. I decided to chalk it up to that maybe he was scared that I would've tried to kill him afterwards. That's not something I would do, though. That would be too easy. I like to play fair, rough, but fair. All intentions of fighting him were dropped as soon as we starting sucking face.

As much as I didn't give a fuck about him, I felt like I needed to let Kurosaki know that I wasn't trying to lure him into a false sense of security. So I waited a little while, and began what I guess could only be called stalking.

It was easy to find where that brat lived, the idiot was leaking spiritual pressure all over the god damn place. When I found him, he was already in bed. I didn't bother checking to see if his window was unlocked or not because I didn't wanna wake him up. It would have been too soon and I didn't wanna start a fight for once.

I groaned silently, annoyed to no fucking end. I decided that it was best to come back when Kurosaki was awake, and maybe then I would able to find out what his fucking problem was. And I wouldn't give up until I found out, because it was rare that someone could run away from Grimmjow Jeagerjaques and get to see the light of fucking day again. Kurosaki may not have known it, but I was going easy on him by letting him live.


	3. Chapter 3

School was a blur of misery. I spent most of the day with my head glued to the desk, slipping in and out of naps that seemed to leave me even more tired than before. I was so damn tired I couldn't stand it, which was weird because I actually got a decent amount of sleep for the first time in forever. Maybe all that exhaustion was just mental.

Or maybe I was just sulking like an idiot.

I ignored the greetings from my friends, which I knew would have them blowing up my phone later that day. I cared about my friends, but god damn they needed to learn how to mind their own business one in a while. What I did with my life outside of soul society was none of their business as far as I was concerned.

While walking home I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched. When I turned to look behind me there was nothing there but the sidewalk. I narrowed my eyes and turned back around, but still kept an eye out for anything moving. The air felt uneasy, but nothing felt ominous enough for me to think there was a hollow nearby. But arrancars on the other hand, they felt different from regular hollows...

I was walking slower than I should have been, and it was because in the back of my head I thought that maybe it could have been Grimmjow following me. Part of me wanted to avoid him, and the other part of me wanted to walk right up to him and punch his lights out. Which seemed a little stupid considering he didn't really do anything wrong. He fucked me and I liked it, then I left.

I groaned and ran a hand over my face. Great, _I_ was the one in the wrong. I wouldn't have been surprised if Grimmjow was stalking me like prey, ready to turn me black and blue for running like a bitch. I secretly would've been okay with it, I needed a little sense knocked into me.

* * *

Yuzu was frowning at me across from the dinner table. She seemed to be the only one that noticed there was something off about me. Although Karin did side-eye me when she noticed that I wasn't really touching my food. Lucky for me though, dad was holding a steady conversation with them so the chance to bring up my odd behavior never came.

I showered for what seemed like hours and decided to go ahead and sleep. I was thankful that I didn't have any homework, not that I always did it anyway. Sometimes I would hurry up and do it before class started or copied off of Uryu if I had to do a lot of fighting the previous day and was just too tired to do it the night before. When I really thought about it, my life was a little too fucked up to be worrying about shit like homework.

It was also too fucked up to be thinking about Grimmjow. Which, sadly, was what I did as soon as I got in bed. It was normal for a guy my age to randomly pop a boner and need to masturbate, but I'm sure that it wasn't normal for me to get an erection from just briefly imagining my enemy's face.

I decided to ignore it. It wasn't too difficult since it wasn't like I had a _raging_ hard on that needed to be taken care of immediately.

But you know what, my life is never that simple. _Never_. Something out of the ordinary always _has_ to happen.

I was almost asleep when I nearly jumped out of my fucking skin when there was a hard tap on my window. My mind automatically went to thinking that maybe it was Rukia or Renji telling me that I needed to come help them out, which is why I didn't freak out when I heard the window slide open. I sat up quickly, reflexively reaching for my combat pass. When I grabbed it though, my movements were halted when I heard a voice that I really didn't want to.

"You got a minute?"

I'd be lying if I said his voice didn't make me wanna close my eyes and listen to it all day. But I shouldn't have been thinking about that because when I looked at Grimmjow, his eyes were all over me and I could tell just how pissed he was.

"I'm not in the mood." _Wow_ , way to go Ichigo. That was probably one of the lamest things I could have said. It made me sound like a brat. Maybe I _was_ a brat.

Grimmjow made a dangerous sound low in his throat that let me know he was annoyed. He rolled his eyes at me and pointed his thumb behind him.

"I'm not gonna try and kill you, I just wanna talk."

I stared at him blankly for a moment because _what the fuck_? Grimmjow not trying to kill someone? Was this the same guy or was I dreaming?

I sighed a little too dramatically and shrugged. "Fine."

Grimmjow nodded and took the lead by jumping from my window first. I looked at my combat pass and furrowed my eyebrows, wondering if maybe I should shift to soul form. I decided to just grab it instead, just incase.

Once we were both standing in front of my house outside I decided to stand a nice distance from him. Grimmjow narrowed his eyes at me and I gripped the combat pass in my hand tightly. I was actually a little scared of him, which made me want to kick myself.

"So, you gonna let me in on why you ran from me?"

My mouth felt dry and I actually felt like running _again_. But I could tell that that would be a very, very bad idea. Grimmjow wanted answers and I wouldn't have put it passed him to follow me that time.

"I don't know." _Real smooth_.

Grimmjow's shoulder shook for a second and he started laughing at me. It was so loud that it was almost creepy how it contrasted against the quiet night.

"That's bullshit and we both know it. You were fuckin' scared of me."

I cocked an eyebrow and took a step forward. "Scared? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh come the fuck on, Kurosaki. I get it, you fucked the bad guy and ran away because you thought I would kill you."

I could have went ahead and told Grimmjow that he was wrong, but that would make things more difficult on my end. He had just made an excuse for me without even knowing it, and for that I was grateful.

I purposefully nodded shyly, trying to seem as innocent as possible. "Sorry, I guess." I didn't know why I was apologizing, but maybe I wanted to get on his good side. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right?

There was a smug smirk on Grimmjow's face when he walked over to me and I felt my chest constrict. God damn, I hadn't noticed it before, but he was actually really attractive. My eyes kept darting back and forth between his face and his chest because they were both equally pleasing to look at.

"You gonna keep checking me out or do you wanna do somethin'?" Grimmjow laughed under his breath and brought a hand up to put it on my shoulder. Was he trying to be charming on purpose?

His touch felt surprisingly warm and I leaned into it without meaning to. But even though I wouldn't have minded fooling around with him, exhaustion crept up on me.

"I kinda need to get back to sleep, I have school in the morning. I'm not sure if you know what that is, but it's important."

Grimmjow rolled his eyes as if to tell me that yes, _he fucking knew what school was._ He took his hand off of my shoulder but instead of keeping it off of me he grabbed my hip.

"I'll let you go back to bed when you tell me how good I was." His grin grew wider and he was showing teeth now, the same teeth that had left scars on my thighs.

I narrowed my eyes and looked at him like he was stupid. " _What_?"

"Unplug your fuckin' ears, Kurosaki. Let me know how good I fucked you."

My face instantly lit up and I wanted to bury it in my hands to hide it. I had never had someone talk to me like that before. Grimmjow was the only sexual thing in my life and I was still getting used to that.

"But…"

Grimmjow's hand slid under my shirt and he started rubbing my lower back. What the hell was he trying to do to me? I felt like I was dying to get his hands off of me and melting into his touch at the same time.

"Don't get all shy on me, you didn't have any problem with me fuckin' you so what's got you all flustered just _talkin'_ about it, huh?"

When I looked at him I noticed how _offensively_ blue his eyes were and I just kept staring into them as a distraction from my embarrassment. Even though I felt mortified, I still didn't want to feel emasculated by acting all nervous in front him so I decided to just give him what he wanted.

I cleared my throat and tightened my jaw. "It felt really good." I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut to avoid seeing the smile I just _knew_ Grimmjow had on his face.

"How good?"

I almost rolled my eyes at him. Fuck, did this guy forget to admire himself in the mirror this morning and that's why he needed me to stroke his ego for him? I really just wanted to go to sleep so I played along.

"So good that I couldn't feel my legs." I wanted to gag, ugh, I sounded like a bad porn actor.

Grimmjow grinned and nodded at me, or more to himself. "That's what I like to hear."

I sneered at him and jerked his hand out from under my shirt. "Can I go now?"

Grimmjow raked his fingers through his messy hair and looked me up and down. I could've been wrong, but it felt like he was checking me out.

"Yeah, I'll let you off the hook for tonight." He scratched at the bone on his cheek. "I'll catch you another night when you're not tired."

My heart decided that it wanted to stop and then restart a little too quickly. I frowned at myself.

"Okay."

I shouldn't have agreed to that, but you know what. I wanted to see Grimmjow at least one more time. I wanted to see him and I wanted him to fuck me again. I should've felt dirty, but instead I was excited and actually looking forward to his next visit.

What confused me though, was why his visit that night had left me feeling giddy. Seriously, my chest felt tight yet airy at the same time. The entire time I was trying to fall asleep there was this stupid smile on my face that I couldn't get rid of. I wasn't even aroused, so it wasn't because I was happy to know I'd be having sex again.

I decided to ignore it because if I didn't, there would be no way I was going to get any sleep that night.


	4. Chapter 4

I didn't follow Kurosaki to school because I'm not a fucking idiot. Even if the brat himself was shitty at sensing spiritual pressure, I was sure that his little friends were at least half decent. I didn't need all of those fuckwits knowing I was around. I mean yeah, I could have taken them out with the flick of a wrist, but this was between me and Kurosaki.

But I did follow him home.

God, that guy really looked like shit. His hair was fucked up more than usual and he walked with his head down. It was really fucking weird seeing him mope like that. I was used to Kurosaki being all confident and ready to kick my ass. Or ready to let me fuck his ass, as of recently. He was pretty pathetic to look at.

At one point he turned around. I hate admitting it, but it actually fucking scared me for a second. I just barely got out of his line of sight before that stupid frowning face of his turned in my previous direction.

I kept walking behind him and it was pretty damn obvious that he was nervous about something because his posture was really tense. I had a feeling that he knew I was follow him, but for some reason he didn't bother looking back again. Maybe Kurosaki expected me to make myself known, but it was broad daylight and I just didn't feel like talking at the moment. I decided that night time would be better, considering people fucked more often at night. What? I wasn't just wondering why he bailed on me, I wanted to fuck him again too.

When we arrived at his house (shit, he still hadn't acknowledged me?) a little girl with short hair came out and was bitching about their dad. Something about spilling tea all over the floor. Kurosaki rolled his eyes and I snorted out a laugh quietly to myself. This poor fucking kid was out battling to the death on some nights, and here he was having to deal with simple shit like this. I almost pitied him.

I waited outside next to his house the entire evening. It wasn't like I could have followed him inside. I got so bored that I actually fell asleep, something I rarely do.

When I woke up it was dark as fuck outside and I got up quickly from the ground. "Shit." I really hoped that it wasn't too late. Waking Kurosaki up from a deep sleep would make him bitchy and I didn't need that in my life. Now, I didn't expect him to be all smiles to see me in the first place, but I didn't want him extra pissed off.

I jumped up to his window and moved to slide it open. It was unlocked for some reason, but even if it hadn't been I would have broken the lock off anyway. A piece of fucking glass really isn't enough to stop me from doing anything.

I sat at the window at looked at him. Kurosaki looked so peaceful tucked into bed that I almost thought twice about waking him up. But that wouldn't have been any fun for me.

I was gonna go over to him and shake him awake, but I didn't know if he was the type to punch someone from doing that so I decided to just knock on the window glass to get his attention.

It almost fucking startled me when that idiot almost fell out of bed when he woke up. Jeez, this guy was such a spazz. Kurosaki reached over to the table next to his bed and grabbed this weird shaped wood thing. I really didn't get what he was doing.

"You got a minute?" I glared at him. Hard. I wasn't even really all that pissed, I just wanted to see how easy it was to scare him.

Kurosaki looked at me like he was looking at a ghost (close, but nope). I raked my eyes over him. He looked pretty damn good. His pants were riding low on his hips and he wore a really, really tight shirt. Fuck, how did he sleep in something that tight? Didn't he ever get uncomfortable?

He flickered his eyes to the floor and finally answered me. "I'm not in the mood."

I don't know why, but that response had pissed me off so much that I actually fucking growled. I rolled my eyes at the pathetic fucker and jabbed my thumb at the window.

"I'm not gonna try and kill you, I just wanna talk." Hey, I was telling the truth at least. I could always kick his ass another day.

I thought that I might've broken him with my newfound pacifism because Kurosaki was just staring at me for a good ten seconds. Then finally he seemed to have come back down to earth because he shrugged and sighed like he'd been holding in that breath for a week.

"Fine."

It sounded bitchy, but I would take it. At least he was agreeing to talk to me. I nodded and went to jump down from his window. I waited for him and for some reason it took him a few seconds to join me outside. And then he did join me, that fucker stood a good distance away from me like I had the plague.

I narrowed my eyes and shoved a hand into my pocket. Kurosaki obviously wasn't gonna talk first, so I did.

"So, you gonna let me in on why you ran from me?"

Hot damn, I could almost smell the fear radiating from him. Not gonna lie, people being scared of me gave me an ego boost. Kurosaki being scared of me gave me a hard on.

"I don't know." Kurosaki's tone was flat, which made it obvious he was lying.

Did this motherfucker really think he could just lie to me like that? Did he have any fucking idea who I was? I actually started laughing at him and I didn't care that I was more than likely freaking him out.

"That's bullshit and we both know it. You were fuckin' scared of me."

Kurosaki cocked an eyebrow at me and finally moved closer. "Scared? What the hell are you talking about?"

He was still denying it? God damn, he really needed to accept reality. "Oh come the fuck on, Kurosaki. I get it, you fucked the bad guy and ran away because you thought I would kill you."

It took a minute, but soon after I had said that, he was nodding. "Sorry, I guess."

The 'I guess' part pissed me off a little but I got over it. I smirked at him and sauntered over to him.

Kurosaki's eyes were basically undressing me. No one had ever told me that I was attractive, but I owned a mirror and was well aware of how hot I was. I guess Kurosaki was aware too.

"You gonna keep checking me out or do you wanna do somethin'?" I decided that I was gonna try and put some moves on him, you know, help him get more comfortable around me. I laughed lightly, lowered my eyes, and put a hand on his shoulder. All that good stuff to make him turn to mush under me.

My charms must've been working on him because he actually leaned his body into my hand. I smiled at him.

I got you now, fucker.

"I kinda need to get back to sleep, I have school in the morning. I'm not sure if you know what that is, but it's important."

With that, my hopes of getting laid that night shattered.

And what the fuck was with that 'I'm not sure if you know what that is' bullshit? I'm an arrancar, not a fucking dumbass. I rolled my eyes at him for what seemed like the millionth time that night and took my hand off of his shoulder and put it on his hip instead.

I wasn't leaving without at least getting something.

"I'll let you go back to bed when you tell me how good I was." I grinned and bared my teeth at him. I really hoped that I looked sexy and not scary, but maybe those two things went hand in hand.

Kurosaki glared at me and looked at me like I was a fucking idiot. "What?"

I couldn't hold my grin for long because god damn this guy was dense. "Unplug your fuckin' ears, Kurosaki. Let me know how good I fucked you."

His face almost instantly turned red. I didn't know if it was adorable or disgusting how easily he was embarrassed.

"But…"

Shit, he was trying to back out on me. I slid the hand on his hip to his back and shoved it under his shirt. I rubbed at his skin, which was really warm and I wouldn't have minded feeling just how hot the rest of his body was.

I was back to batting my eyelashes at him. He really fucking owed me for all that effort I was putting into him. "Don't get all shy on me, you didn't have any problem with me fuckin' you so what's got you all flustered just talkin' about it, huh?"

Next thing I knew, he was staring into my eyes. My pride soared. I was blessed with blue eyes, they melted poor little Kurosaki like putty in my hands.

"It felt really good." He bit his lip and closed his eyes. Was this idiot wincing? He didn't even say anything remotely sexual. If I hadn't been the one who had taken it, I would have thought Kurosaki still had his virginity. Maybe another good fuck would loosen up that uptight personality of his.

I was smiling at him again. "How good?" He should've known that that wouldn't have been enough for me.

"So good that I couldn't feel my legs." Kurosaki hesitated, but I would take that as a good enough answer.

I nodded because hell yeah, he shouldn't have been able to feel his legs after how hard I fucked him. "That's what I like to hear."

Kurosaki looked at me wrong and pulled my hand from under his shirt. "Can I go now?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and thought about it. I looked him up and down. And you know what, he did look tired.

"Yeah, I'll let you off the hook for tonight." I scratched the mask on my cheek, a small habit of mine whenever I didn't know what else to say. "I'll catch you another night when you're not tired."

Kurosaki frowned, but I had a feeling that it wasn't because of something I did. "Okay."

I let him go back to his room and sleep. I stuck around for a few minutes just for the hell of it and left when I figured that he had fallen asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

"Ichigo, are you okay?"

The feminine yet tough voice knocked me out of my daze. I couldn't even remember what I was thinking about as I looked up to see Tatsuki standing over me with a frown on her face. I was relieved that it wasn't one her pissed off frowns.

I laughed and smoothed a hand through my hair before taking a sip of cold coffee from a can that I had decided would be enough for lunch that day.

"Yeah, sorry. What's up?" _Was I okay?_

Tatsuki crossed her arms and sighed at me like she was annoyed. I knew that she was concerned about me but she liked to keep up her tough act.

"You've been sitting by yourself at lunch for the past two days; if something's wrong just tell us." She motioned over to our group of friends who weren't looking in our direction. Uryu was talking about something and everyone else looked bored as shit.

"I'm just tired. I'll try and ask my dad for something for sleep when I get home." It wasn't a _complete_ lie. Physically, I felt fine. Mentally, I felt like someone had dropped a ton of bricks onto my psyche.

Tatsuki pursed her lips and looked at me skeptically for a few seconds. Her posture finally relaxed. "Gotcha, I'll let the others know. You need to start taking better care of yourself, okay?"

"Will do," I yelled over to her as she walked away.

I bowed my head and stared at my lap. Why was I being so damn mopey in the first place? I hadn't really bothered thinking about it. Usually when I was upset, it was easy for me to figure out the problem.

I suddenly felt rays of sun on my face and I looked up. The clouds had finally shifted a bit and started letting light come through. When I saw the hues of the sky, they reminded me of Grimmjow's hair and eyes. I felt like a fucking idiot. But I still smiled. Then I felt like an even bigger idiot because _hold the fucking phone_ , was I seriously daydreaming about an _arrancar's_ eyes?

* * *

My evening heavily contrasted my morning at school. I guessed that Aizen had sent a few arrancar to fight, because I was being called into battle. It was sudden but I was always ready to fight, it was almost like second nature. Rukia and Renji handled two of the seemingly weaker ones. I wasn't too worried about them because they had definitely handled worse enemies in the past.

At first it had appeared that there were only the two, but just as I was about to help out, a familiar face made his way over to me.

More like he sonido'd over to me so fast that it almost knocked the wind out of me.

I was backed against a brick wall of some building and two hands were at either side of my head, caging me in.

"Long time no see." Grimmjow smirked at me, inching his face closer to mine.

I glowered at him. "I just fucking saw you _last night_." I could feel his breath against my cheek and I struggled to keep still because if I hadn't, I was sure I would have been attacking his lips.

Grimmjow lowered his voice and ghosted his lips against the side of my neck, trailing up and resting them against my ear. "Any time I'm not with you seems like a long time."

_What in the nine circles of hell was this guy saying? Was I having a fucking fever dream, or did he just actually say that to me?_

My body stiffened and I felt my heart slam against my chest. I shook my head in an effort to try and clear it. Somehow, I had managed to come to my senses.

"If you're just trying to get laid, you should just say so and quit with the one liners." I mumbled the sentence out and avoided eye contact with him. My heart sank, almost like I had hurt myself with my own words. I didn't understand it.

Grimmjow chuckled low in his throat. "You're sharp." He glanced over his shoulder at something I didn't see because I was too busy staring at his strong, scarred chest. "Your friends are definitely handling themselves just fine. You wanna make ourselves scarce and find a place a bit more _comfortable_?"

I bit my lip. "Sure." I agreed so fast that I almost tripped over the single word. I followed Grimmjow to a different, more secluded part of town.

* * *

Before I could even register our surroundings, I was being pushed down on my back and Grimmjow was on top of me. I felt teeth grazing my neck. Grimmjow hesitated with his mouth for a moment, then gently nibbled at my jugular. I groaned and reached a hand up to tug at the sash on his hakama. I felt disgusting for being so eager to have him inside of me.

Grimmjow actually bothered correctly undressing my lower half that time instead of ripping my own hakama. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, expecting to feel him press himself inside of me already. When I didn't feel anything I opened my eyes and stared at him.

Grimmjow started sucking on his own fingers and when he took them out he spit on them to get them extra wet. I wasn't stupid, I knew what he was doing. But I just didn't know _why_ he was doing it. Why bother with the preparation when he had taken me rough and dry last time?

I winced when I felt one of Grimmjow's long fingers enter me. I didn't wince from pain, because it really didn't hurt. It was more so just from the weirdness of him fingering me in the first place. It was an awkward couple of minutes that consisted of him adding another one of his fingers and stretching me. I kept my eyes on the dark, clear sky the whole time. I was afraid to look him in the eye.

When I felt Grimmjow's fingers pull out of me I gasped and immediately clamped my mouth shut after. I could hear him laughing under his breath. Oddly enough, it wasn't a laugh of mockery. It almost sounded sweet and that made me feel a little off. Actually, the entire situation felt off. The act of him taking the time to make sure I was ready for him felt a little too intimate.

Grimmjow lined himself up against me but didn't enter me just yet. He held his cock in his hand and rubbed the tip against my entrance slowly. Breathing heavily, I shot him a questioning look.

Grimmjow leaned his mouth against my ear and tugged at it with his teeth. "Tell me you want me."

"Stop playing head games, just do it." I didn't wanna give him the satisfaction of letting him know just how much I _did_ want him.

Surprisingly enough, he didn't urge me to tell him again. Grimmjow lowered his eyes and grabbed one of my legs to wrap it around his waist.

When Grimmjow pressed the head of his cock inside of me I threw my head back hard against the pavement of the alley and groaned. I was shocked with how good it felt already. Maybe preparing me had been a good idea.

Grimmjow's thrusts got harder and I just let myself lay back and enjoy it. I couldn't shake the thought of how nice it would have been to do this with him in my bed. But I pushed that thought to the side because that wasn't likely to happen.

Grimmjow's cock brushed against my prostate and in the midst of my embarrassing moan, I brought my hands up to pull at the back of his surprisingly soft hair. Both of my legs were around him now and I pulled him further against me, because I wanted more of him.

My grip on his hair slipped away because he leaned down. I thought that maybe Grimmjow was going for biting my neck again, but instead I was stunned to feel his lips against mine. When I didn't respond to the kiss, Grimmjow used a hand to work my jaw open. I had kissed him before, but it wasn't during the actual sex, it was before. I got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach as he kept kissing me while he fucked me.

Grimmjow finished inside of me and I came not too long after. When he pulled out I hissed at the stinging sensation, but it wasn't nearly as bad as last time. I looked down at my thighs, happy to see just semen dripping out of me and not blood.

Grimmjow tucked himself back into his hakama and picked up his jacket, using it to wipe the sweat off of his face. I glared at him.

"See you around." He smirked at me.

I felt like puking.

* * *

When I got home, the urge to vomit got worse as I kept imagining Grimmjow's mouth on mine. I spent a good hour on the bathroom floor after throwing up what was mostly stomach acid. I didn't know why I was even feeling sick in the first place, it wasn't like I was necessarily disgusted.

I got up and winced at the aching in my thighs and back. I rinsed my mouth out in the sink and straightened my posture before going downstairs for dinner.


	6. Chapter 6

When I was sent out to fight, I really couldn't have been happier. I wasn't even pissed that I was being sent with two low rank arrancars, almost like a babysitter. I was never given the order to prevent them from being killed, which meant that I could just wander off and do my own thing without worrying about their sorry asses.

After coming through the garganta I ordered the two idiots behind me to wait there.

It didn't take long for Kurosaki's friends to show up. They were down on the ground yelling a bunch of shit at each other, and then the shrimpy black haired girl ran off. The red guy looked a little pissed off and ran off with her.

_I knew exactly who they were going to go and get. They took one good look at me a knew that there was only one person that could handle me._

When I felt Kurosaki's spiritual pressure flare I couldn't help but tweak my lips up into a grin. I pointed two fingers at Ichigo's friends and then back to the two arrancars, assigning them both to a fight. This would be their last, but I wasn't going to tell them that.

I sonido'd down to Kurosaki and he looked like he was surprised to see me. He honestly shouldn't have been, but he was easy to frighten.

I backed him up to a wall and made sure he didn't have a way out. Leaning into his personal space, I gave him my best smile.

"Long time no see." It was hard not to laugh at how fucking flustered he looked already.

Kurosaki gave shot me an unconvincing scowl. "I just fucking saw you _last night_." He wasn't fooling anyone, I knew he was glad to see me. His body language said it all.

But as responsive as he was, I wanted him completely willing. I was tired of how stubborn that fucker was. So I decided to go back to charming him like I had the previous night.

I didn't have to do much. My lips were against his ear and I lowered my voice for him, a nice baritone that I was sure would have his body trembling. . "Any time I'm not with you seems like a long time."

_Okay_ , maybe that was a little overboard. I had to keep myself from laughing because god damn, that was so fucking corny I couldn't believe I even let that come out of my mouth.

At first, Kurosaki stared at me like I had just punched him the face. All wide-eyed and stunned. But then he shook his head.

"If you're just trying to get laid, you should just say so and quit with the one liners."

He refused to make any eye contact with me, which I didn't really blame him for. Eyes are the windows to the soul, and mine is pretty shitty.

I laughed darkly. I didn't expect him to say that. "You're sharp." I glanced over my shoulder to check on how the fight behind us was going. "Your friends are definitely handling themselves just fine. You wanna make ourselves scarce and find a place a bit more _comfortable_?" I was already a man on a mission to fuck Kurosaki, but I wanted him even more when I caught him staring at my chest. And he definitely wasn't admiring the scar he gave me.

Kurosaki bit his lip. And when he mumbled out "Sure," I was already turning around to find a place to fuck him.

* * *

We were in a part of his town that was pretty damn empty, and there was an alley I dragged him into. I thought that an alley would be better than the road.

I was impatient, so I had Kurosaki on his back in a blink of an eye. I went for his neck first, loving how his pulse fluctuated under my touch. He was so fucking _sensitive_. I was grinding my teeth against his neck when I felt him tugging at my hakama, and I smirked into his heated skin.

I lowered my hands to untie the sash on his hakama and yanked it down his long, beautiful legs. Kurosaki was so needy that he immediately spread them for me. I was just about to put my cock in him but I remembered how difficult it was to fuck him dry last time. Instant gratification just wasn't on the menu.

I shoved my fingers into my mouth and hurriedly soaked them with my spit. When I pushed a finger inside of him I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't exactly versed in the art of fingering people, so sue me. I moved my finger in and out, looking to Kurosaki's face which was looking at the sky the entire time. What a dick, he could've at least had the decency to look at me while I did something nice for him (even though it benefited me, too).

I only spent a few minutes stretching him with two fingers because I wasn't sure how much longer I could take not being inside of him. I was as hard as the fucking concrete Kurosaki was laying on. When I pulled my fingers out, he gasped and I laughed softly at him. I had to admit, some of his reactions were kind of endearing.

Just as I was lining myself up to enter my artificial heaven, I decided to tease Kurosaki a bit more. It was a shot in the dark, but I wanted to see if I could get him to beg for me.

I rubbed the tip of my cock against his entrance, enjoying the sight of his body shivering. God damn, he wanted it _so bad_.

He seemed to be a sucker for when I whispered in his ear, so I did just that. "Tell me you want me." I then tugged on his ear with my teeth, just enough for him to feel it.

Kurosaki glared at me the best that he could. I'll at least give the guy points for trying. "Stop playing head games, just do it."

I mentally shrugged my shoulders. I could get him to beg another time; I was too damn hard to wait any longer.

I grabbed onto one of Kurosaki's legs, hooking it around my waist so that I would have better access to his ass. Admittedly, I was a little surprised that he didn't have a problem with me doing that.

I don't think I could've been smiling any wider when I pushed the tip of my cock inside of him. That fucker was throwing his head back in ecstasy already. I wouldn't have been surprised if he just cracking his fucking skull. The groan he let out for me was perfect, and I wanted to hear more.

It was when I found that spot inside of him that made him moan like a whore, that I decided that I liked seeing Kurosaki in throes of pleasure rather than in pain. I could easily tell that after this time, he would come back for more. And it would be so much easier to fuck with Kurosaki when he wanted me around.

Kurosaki's hands started tugging at my hair and I couldn't help but groan. He was much more responsive this time around, his body was pushing against mine and he was actually _touching_ me and _both_ of his legs were wrapped tightly around me.

I leaned down to kiss him because why the fuck not? I had already said a sappy line to him earlier, why not go all the way and make shit even more grossly romantic? (Well, as romantic as a guy like me could get).

I thought that Kurosaki would eat that shit up and start tongue fucking my mouth, but nope. His lips were basically dead against mine and I nearly growled. What the fuck was wrong with him? I brought my hand to his jaw to pry his mouth open, slipping my tongue inside to suck on his. Kurosaki moaned at the feeling, but remained unresponsive. I decided to stop and just fuck him like I originally planned. I was going out of my way to make him feel _loved_ , and he didn't have the manners to show me any appreciation. I thought that humans lived for crap like that. Weren't they always talking about how they didn't want meaningless sex? Well, don't get me wrong, that's what I was giving to Kurosaki, but I wanted to paint a different picture for him.

Kurosaki was tightening around me pretty damn hardcore, and if I didn't know any better I would've thought that he was trying to get me off faster. I really didn't care at that point; I just wanted to cum.

And when I finally did cum, I made sure to rudely fuck my semen deeper inside of him. _Something he would have to deal with later._ I don't know what the fuck made him cum, but he did. It wasn't as intense as last time, but I decided not to care.

I pulled out and almost didn't hear the hiss Kurosaki let out. _Good, bitch, I'm glad it hurt._

My cum was already dripping out of him, but not a lot. I was happy for that at least, I wanted him to remember what we did later whenever he showered. Maybe he would cry and start regretting shit. I would've paid good money to see that.

I quickly tucked myself back into my hakama, looking down at a completely fucked-out Kurosaki, admiring my work. I wiped the sweat off of my face with my jacket, not really recalling when I had started to sweat in the first fucking place.

"See you around."

That was really all I had to say to him before I left.


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up in the middle of the night on a Saturday to Grimmjow climbing into bed with me. I tried blinking my eyes open again but the street light coming from my window was making them ache. I laid still for a moment, just to see if he would go away but I felt my bed shift again. I could've got up and asked him what he was doing in my room, but I was just so damn tired and out of it that I didn't know what to do.

I laid on my back and felt myself dozing off, but when I felt a hand on my thigh I groaned, aggravated that I was being denied rest.

 _This is a dream_ , I thought, _there's no way he's in my room._

"You gonna wake up or am I gonna have to sit here and watch you all night?"

I opened one of my eyes, and my heart felt like someone had punched it. Grimmjow was sitting next to me on my bed, hair wet and his white clothing drenched. I turned my head towards my window to confirm that yes, it was raining outside.

I huffed and leaned up, still a little pissed about being woken up. I shoved Grimmjow's arm lightly. "Asshole, you're getting my bed soaked."

"I can take my clothes off if you want." _God_ , why did he always have to smile at me like that? I was surprised that his face didn't get stuck like that.

I shook my head. "Is sex all you ever think about?"

Grimmjow shrugged. "I'm a guy, what the fuck do you expect?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at that. "I'm a guy too." That should've been obvious to him by now.

He had a curious look on his face, one eyebrow lifted and a small smile on his face. "If you don't wanna fuck, what _do_ you wanna do?"

I bit my lip. "You could just lie down with me." I wasn't sure how I got the courage to even say that, but I chalked it up to the fact that I was still tired.

"And what do I get out of that?" Grimmjow's voice wasn't playful, it was serious. I don't know why he felt like I owed him something. And I don't know why I felt like I needed to give him something, either.

"A warm bed." I didn't really have an answer to that question, so I just made one up. I was really hoping that he would've just shut up and let me sleep already.

I heard him laugh at me and I frowned. The fact that he was laughing at the idea made my stomach feel uneasy. Of course I shouldn't have fucking said that, I should've just kicked him out of my room and told him to never come back.

But I didn't do that because I'm a fucking idiot.

There was a long silence from Grimmjow and I was starting to get nervous. He was staring at me, and I knew he was expecting me to beg him to stay. But there was no way in hell I was going to do that.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to," I mumbled, staring at anything but him. I knew that if I looked at him I would get even more nervous.

"Why would I pass up a chance to stay in your bed? I'd have to be a fucking idiot."

"I'm really not in the mood….for that right now."

He looked at me sideways, eyebrows furrowing even more and his lips frowning. "What? Am I not good enough for you all of a sudden?"

The corner of my lip twitched, threatening a laugh at the fact that I had hurt his pride. I bit my lip, keeping a straight face because I didn't feel like having a pissed off Espada in my bed.

"Calm down, I didn't say that." I would just have to put it bluntly, as much as I really didn't want to. "I can't just get horny whenever you want sex, bodies don't work that way."

The fact that I was even having this conversation made me want to bash my head into the wall and go into a coma for a month. At least then maybe he'd leave me alone. And even then I'm not sure.

Grimmjow rested his hand on my knee, which jerked a little as a reflex. Usually whenever he grabbed me it resulted in a lot of pain.

"You hate me, right?" He put his other hand on my other knee, keeping his eyes on my own as he pushed my legs apart.

Anger flared up inside of me, but it was directed at myself because I almost let ' _no'_ slip out of my mouth. But was that right? Did I really not hate him? Because I had every right to. Grimmjow was a fucking plague. He showed up when I least expected him, he lived to fuck with me, and worst of all he showed no sign of remorse for making me feel lost. Grimmjow confused me in the worst of ways. Did he really think I would be stupid enough to just let him keep coming around and messing with my body _and_ my head?

"Yes," I finally gasped out. He smiled at me and put his fingers on the waistband of my underwear.

"But you don't hate it when I touch you."

I slid my eyes closed and inhaled, not saying a fucking word to that. Because _god_ , Grimmjow was undressing me and he was right; I loved it when he touched me. His fingers on my hip bones slid down and I suddenly couldn't feel anything but his hands on me. And I wanted Grimmjow to put his hands all over me. I wanted him to show me every little thing he wanted to do to me and then some. My teenage hormones were drowning out my conscience screaming at me that I would regret this and that I would feel sick later.

I only opened my eyes because I felt his mouth around my cock. It felt good, _fuck did it feel good_ , but I was startled. The last thing I expected was for him to go down on me. Grimmjow sucked on the tip for a few seconds while I was busy with keeping myself quiet, reminding myself that we were in my house. Grimmjow removed his mouth to gather my combined precum and his saliva off of my cock with his fingers. He instantly slid my cock back into his mouth, only he deep throated me that time.

Grimmjow knew what he was doing, because the pleasure of having my cock all the way down his throat masked the awkward feeling of two of his fingers pushing inside of me. He found my prostate quickly, rubbing it while he sucked the base of my erection with his lips and tongue. I guess I had closed my eyes again some point because I had to open them to look down at him. It was a sight I never thought I'd live to see. Grimmjow fucking Jaegarjaques was between my thighs, giving me a blow job and fingering me like we did this kind of shit on a regular basis.

Grimmjow's eyes met mine as he started pumping his mouth up and down and I shivered when his fingers pressed harder inside of me. I was waiting for him to pull his fingers out and start fucking me, but he just kept going. I was worried, because I was embarrassingly close to cumming and didn't want to hear him bitch about me cumming too soon and him not getting to fuck me.

I must be bold on the brink of orgasm, because as soon as I felt familiar feeling burning from my abdomen to my groin, I clamped one of my hands onto the back of Grimmjow's head and held it there so I could thrust as far as possible into his mouth. The fact that he didn't fight it was weird, but I couldn't bring myself to care as I came straight down his throat. Grimmjow just let me do it, too.

When I was finally spent I lowered my hips back down to my bed and sighed, staring at Grimmjow with lazy eyes that were honestly staring through him instead of truly at him. And when my cock slipped out of Grimmjow's mouth I was surprised to see that there was a single drop of my cum on his lips or on myself. The fucker had swallowed all of it.

"You didn't moan for me this time, that kinda hurts my feelings." Grimmjow cracked a smile. Not only was I sure that his feelings weren't hurt, but I wondered if he even had feelings to begin with.

I glared at him the best that my post-orgasm self would allow. "I don't give a fuck about you or your feelings."

Grimmjow looked at me with an unnervingly serious expression for a good five seconds and I almost kicked him out of my bed but he decided to finally say something.

"You know, I would've believed that if you hadn't told me I could stay."

He smiled. It was a smile that felt malicious, and it let me know he enjoyed the fact that I was most likely screaming at myself on the inside. He was enjoying the torture he was bringing to my internal world.

I looked at him, my brain telling me to punch him but instead I was frozen in place. Why did I go into some form of shock? Was I more angry at Grimmjow or myself?

I pulled my boxers back up and got out of bed. My mind was racing, I needed to go cool off before I started screaming on the outside. I walked to the bathroom, Grimmjow's words behind me were blurring with my thoughts and when I was finally inside I shut the door and locked it before turning the sink on. I had my hands at either side of it, gripping the porcelain hard as I leaned over it. I dry heaved once, removing my hands to cover my mouth with one and punch the wall with the other.

I was tempted to sleep there knowing that Grimmjow might still be in my room. The scariest part about that is that I most likely would have let him stay. Because as much as I didn't want to, maybe I _did_ give a fuck about him.


	8. Chapter 8

Skipping school is nothing new to me, but I couldn't help but feel like I had a shitty excuse for staying home this time. I'd gone to bed way later than I wanted to but it wasn't like it was _my_ fault; it was that blue haired bastard's. Really, I shouldn't have given him the benefit of the doubt by thinking that maybe, _just maybe_ , he'd have the decency to leave me alone on Sunday night. I was so tired, just so mentally fucking exhausted that I just let him do what he wanted to me. My body was on autopilot as he traced his fingertips over every inch of me, the feeling of them leaving a tingling sensation in their path. Halfway through I had a realization, a thought that hit me hard and struck me with what I can only call guilt mixed with a little horror; maybe I _didn't_ mind it when Grimmjow touched me like that.

Grimmjow himself is cold, terrifying, ruthless, and destructive. But what baffled me was that those same hands that had the ability to destroy and end lives, could touch me so fucking softly and precisely on every point of my body that made me light headed and caused my breathing to pick up until I saw white. That man is a fucking conundrum, and I'm the unlucky bastard that's stuck with trying to figure him out. In the back of my head I knew that I really could've ended things. It wouldn't have been too hard, really. I could've picked a serious fight with him; actually tried to kill him so that he would back off. The fact that I just put up with what he did to me made _me_ a conundrum all in itself.

I was in bed all day feeling miserable as fuck. My chest felt so heavy it felt like my heart was about to burst. I easily could've gone to my dad to see if there was anything physically wrong with me, but I couldn't help but shake the feeling that the pain was stemming from something else. I was too young and healthy to worry about shit like heart attacks, so I wasn't too worried. I had skipped both breakfast and lunch that day because the thought of eating seemed like one of the most unappealing things in the world at the moment.

I heard the soft padding of footsteps leading from the hallway to stop in front of my door. I immediately knew who it was but I waited anyway. There was a quiet knock and then a moment of silence.

"Ichigo?"

It was unsurprisingly Yuzu. I smiled softly.

"You can come in."

She opened the door slowly and stepped in timidly, a look of worry marring her face. She always did worry too much.

"Are you okay?" She asked, looking at me in a way that made me feel bad for making _her_ feel bad.

I nodded at her and tried my best to smile at her. "Yeah, I'm just not feeling well."

She nodded her head slightly, like she was agreeing with me. It must have been way too obvious that there was something wrong with me. I'm sure that the rest of my family noticed but Yuzu was the only one with enough overflowing kindness to come and check on me.

"I'm making dinner; I know you don't feel good but if you want something just let me know." Yuzu smiled at me but her big eyes still looked sad.

I nodded at her, feeling like a horrible brother for making her stress over me like that. "Thanks, Yuzu. Don't worry about me too much, it's nothing I can't handle."

I could tell that she didn't believe me, but it was the best I could do without having to go into detail. I watched as she turned her back to leave, but once she had her hand on the doorknob she turned back around slightly.

"You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say that you look lovesick or something."

In that moment, all of the gears in my head stopped turning. My brain was completely halted to a standstill. I barely even registered Yuzu shutting my door as she left.

There was no way, there was _no fucking way_.

My stomach tightened uncomfortably and my throat burned. If I wasn't physically sick before, I was now.

How could I possibly love someone like Grimmjow? Someone like him didn't deserve love, especially from _me_. He was crass, inappropriate, destructive, _viciously charming, infuriatingly attractive, good with my body._

I had to stop thinking or I would drive myself insane. I was thinking clearly. This bad, _really fucking bad._

And I didn't know what to do about it.


End file.
